Heaven Will Have to Wait
by Mullbcrry
Summary: As the galaxy entered a post-reaper era; peace prevailed as societies began to help each other rebuild. It is difficult for Shepard to imagine herself as a civilian, but that is exactly what she has become. So, through all the trauma she and Garrus had endured, would they really be able to live a normal life? Afterall, they don't go looking for trouble, the trouble finds them.
1. Pilot

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This story is purely for my own pleasure, but of course it helps to have some viewers. This is the pilot chapter. More will be released in the near future. I initially had this story on my other account, but moved it here. Please enjoy! This is NOT an extension of my previous works.

* * *

**_S_**he could feel the cold sweat beading on her forehead. Her eyes were open, but the darkness enveloped her.

She was disoriented and it all felt _wrong_.

In a flash the door opened and the light broke away to reveal her little brother's face- just as she remembered.

_"Thalassa, I found you!"_

Her brother cheered while holding the closet door open.

It was home. Mindoir.

There was a rush of relief at the sound of her parents talking in the distance.

Her adolescent brother took her hand and pulled her through the threshold of the door.

As she found her footing, the whole room shifted in an instant and her brother had vanished.

The person now beside her was familiar, a beloved sight.

_"Garrus."_

Her soft voice seemed to echo into the void behind him.

His features crinkled in concern, but his eyes pierced her with an unexplainable amount of anger and pain.

_"Shepard, you could have saved us all."_

Her heart was sinking into the abyss as his voice rang through her head.

He fell away and she reached out to catch him- her hands were wet and sticky.

Blood. His blood.

Her hands were covered in it- she fought the urge to cry out. But despite her attempt she could still hear her own voice weeping.

The pain was overwhelming and she couldn't breathe.

"Stop!" She cried into the depths of her own heart and suddenly everything became silent.

Her senses drifted into reality- the nightmare began to fade and her consciousness returned. Her ears registered the sound of a consistent bleeping.

Light was absent when she slowly began to open her eyes. The bleeping had become more erratic and footsteps accompanied the chaos.

A dim ray of light flooded the blur of her surroundings.

Her body would not respond to her commands- the only thing she could do was feel her grip on the fabric beneath her.

Her instincts told her to run. Her training told her to run.

There were voices, but they got swallowed by her panic.

Her need to survive shot into overdrive and the information that her senses were trying to interpret seemed to come to a climax.

_"Give her another shot. She's not stable. Her body needs more time to heal."_

_"I know. I did."_

Flashbacks of her time in a Cerberus lab heightened the intensity of her reaction.

_"Miss, calm down- you're okay."_

The voice was foreign. She couldn't even make out the faces around her.

Her eyes would not open past a certain point and it took so much effort to do what she could to even see past the lights and silhouettes.

_"Miss Thalassa Anne Shepard? You're in a hospital. You're safe. You can relax, I promise."_

The voice was soothing. Like ice on a burn wound.

The bleeping in the background slowed to a steady and firm rhythm.

But should she trust it? Her body ached despite not being able to move.

Her mind could not process anything. Her thoughts started and were quickly cut off because of the energy it took to think.

But she began to realize that danger was not eminent- her eyes closed after straining to adjust to the lights that had come on in the room.

_"You're going to be okay."_


	2. Alive

_"Now hold still."_ The doctor had a gentle hand, but that didn't prevent Thalassa from wincing in pain. Her wounds were extensive. Burns covered many areas of her body and deep wounds could be found on her abdomen and legs. She'd been shot a couple of times too.

According to the doctors, her under suit had melted onto her skin and it had been a meticulous process of removal. The medical staff frequently told her how lucky she had been to have survived. She didn't want to believe them, she tried to convince herself that they were probably just trying to make her feel better.

It had been almost 5 months since the reapers were destroyed, and a few days since she had woken up.

The first thing she had done when she had become completely conscious was inquire about the reapers.

A sense of disbelief and amazement had overcome her when she was told that the reapers were destroyed. The war was over.

It seemed impossible. Her thoughts had trailed off to wonder about her crew. Garrus, Liara, Ashley, James, Joker... were they all still alive?

Not a single person knew anything about her ship. She had sent a message to the Normandy from a nurse's omni-tool because her own had somehow been damaged. She would have to get an implant for a new one or get her own fixed. Regardless of sending the message, the nurse had informed her that long range comm buoys had been damaged. If the ship was not on earth, there was little chance it would be received.

_"Ow." _Shepard hissed as the doctor finished patching up a series of burns that originated on her shoulder and migrated up her neck.

The medigel had helped her heal, but her cybernetics had been damaged in the crucible's blast- making the healing process that much slower. Just another reason the doctors would claim that she should be dead.

_"Okay. Looks good. We will get you on your feet at 5pm. You'll be ship shape in no time, Commander."_ He was a kind-faced man, gentle, but sad.

_"Thanks, doc. I appreciate it."_ He left and shortly after, she was up and in session with a nurse for physical therapy. The therapy room was full of people, patients and nurses alike. The room had a wall made of glass that overlooked the war-torn city of London. There were shuttles racing by from time to time and she could see people on the streets. As destroyed as most of the city was, it seemed to be coming alive again. As if the city was rising up from the ashes.

_"Alright, Miss. Do you prefer Thalassa?"_ The Asari gave her a weak smile and accessed Shepard's medical records on her omni-tool.

_"Shepard is fine."_

The nurse made a note and looked up at her.

_"Alright, for today we are going to just assess where the damage is and work on a treatment plan from there. All I need you to do is a few exercises for me."_ The nurse led Shepard through a series of movements that proved to be a lot more difficult than she had anticipated. She couldn't lift her arms past shoulder height.

It was impossible to even turn her head to either side. Resistance came in her back and stomach when she was asked to touch her toes. The pain was too much- so she resorted to touching her knees instead. It wasn't so much the bodily pain that bothered her- it was her mental state that was hurting her more.

She was stricken with night terrors every time she fell asleep. Being diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder by the doctors wasn't reassuring, but it was a road to recovery... or finding new ways to cope.

At any rate- she was ready to be done with everything. She hated to admit it, but she was depressed. Nothing here was easy, and she felt utterly alone in her mental and physical struggles that she faced every day. She continued the physical therapy- it dragged on and she derived no joy from it. In fact, the place seemed to suck the life out of her. How could this be considered living? Granted, she was glad to be alive.

The nurse entered the room during a quiet afternoon on day 153 according to her records. It was August 10th, 2187...

_"Miss Shepard, you have a visitor."_


	3. A Visitor

"It's_ an admiral with the Alliance, his name is Hackett."_

Shepard sat up in her bed and made a move to stand.

_"Let him in."_

To her surprise, he walked in and smiled at her. She saluted him immediately, dismissing the pain in her shoulder. _"Commander Shepard." _He said slowly and chuckled. _"By God, you are one resilient woman."_

She stayed silent and he nodded. _"At ease, Shepard. Please- sit."_

She gratefully obeyed and took a seat on the bed. He resolved to stand at the end of the hospital cot and put his hands behind him.

_"What brings you here, sir?"_

She asked, and swallowed hard, resisting the urge to barrage him with questions.

_"I needed to see for myself that you were alive. I also have some news._"

She adjusted her position to one of attention, eager to attain information, regardless of the contents.

_"Shepard, you served the Alliance and the galaxy with distinction and integrity. I am proud of you. You never once wavered from your duty to your crew, your commanding officers, Earth, or your mission to stop the reapers and save the galaxy at all costs. I am proud to say that your ultimate mission is over_. _Thus, you are hereby honorably relieved of duty."_

He dropped a datapad on the bed and continued.

_"I will spare you from the paperwork for now. You have been awarded with a monthly pension or salary if you will, until the day you die."_

He paused, leaving her a moment to respond. She had taken the datapad into her hands and had read it over. No, this didn't feel right. The only thing she knew was her work- her duty as a soldier. How could she just stop now?

_"But sir-"_

_"Shepard, I am only doing what Anderson requested of me. If he was here, he would be giving this to you himself."_

She raised a fist to her lips and nose, sighing. This was meant as a gift. Her mind wandered to the last conversation she had with Anderson on the Citadel. It brought tears to her eyes.

_"Thank you, sir."_

She couldn't look up at the admiral as her head began to swim.

_"No, Shepard- thank you."_

He walked toward the door, but she quickly stopped him_. "Wait, sir! Have you heard anything about the Normandy?"_

His eyes gave her an idea of what he was going to say.

_"Shepard, we have the Normandy docked at Vancouver. It was brought there by pilot Moreau, but the crew had already gone their separate ways. I don't think any of them know you're alive."_

_"Is it possible to reach any of them?" _He pursed his lips in thought, glancing at the floor.

_"With the loss of our long-range communications- if you are trying to reach anyone beyond the Sol system it will be impossible to reach anyone at this point."_

The breath left her lungs and she felt like someone was sitting on her chest.

_"What about officer Vakarian, sir?"_

He sighed softly and looked at her. _"I'm sorry, Shepard. We haven't caught wind of anything off world. I would assume he went back to Palaven, they suffered just as much loss and destruction as we did. But If I hear anything- I will be sure to let you know."_

When she couldn't articulate an answer, he nodded before turning to leave.

_"Get well soon, Shepard. Take care of yourself."_

After the door closed, the room became heavy with her own doubt and solemn acceptance.

Her family was missing- and she was in no shape to find them.


	4. 02:45

**EARTH, December 22nd, 2187**

**I**t was a dark and cold evening in the city of London. Snow was falling against the large pane of the window in Shepard's apartment. She had been surprised to receive a message from admiral Hackett outlining a lease to a small apartment that was fully furnished and outfitted for her after she had been discharged from the hospital.

She felt ridiculously helpless since she was still recovering from her injuries. Hackett had her hooked to a delivery system that she accessed by her new omni-tool to deliver food and other items that she may need. They were all military grade since production of most civilian items were still on hold due to construction on nearly 80% of all the infrastructures in London alone. The rest of the world was in similar disarray.

She had access to reports of the latest news, thanks to the apartment's vid set. It was a new experience for her to live entirely alone with no real work. Given, even if she had real work, she would be in no shape to perform it adequately. Her doctor made weekly visits to check on her progress. The range of motion in her limbs had improved and her pain was managed by pain relievers and exercises she was ordered to carry out on the daily.

Her burns were healed, and the scars licked her skin in a gruesome fashion. They spanned from the middle of her back and around her shoulder to her left collarbone. She had other scars on the left side of her face- ones that indicated her cheek had been cut against jagged concrete. They originated from the apple of her cheek and trailed to her ear.

She looked horrible, enough to the point where she was afraid to go out and be seen by the average person. Not to mention that she had become a little untoned as far as muscle was concerned, but she hadn't gained any weight. She had started getting back into fitness the other day- but she pulled something in her shoulder and the doctor wasn't happy about it. Dammit, she was Commander Shepard and she was concerned about people seeing her battle scars.

Shepard had tied her dark brown hair back- her green eyes were lost in the ecstasy of a light intoxication. She had always been a heavy weight when it came to any kind of alcohol, but just enough of it allowed her to relax. Classical Christmas music played in the background of the apartment. A couple of beer and hard cider bottles sat empty on the coffee table.

Thalassa laid on the couch, covering her face with one arm as she lazily hummed the tune of 'White Christmas'. The depression and mental instability had really set in and it continued to conquer her reasoning and will to live. Hackett's decision- or Anderson's request of discharging her from duty had ravaged her self-esteem. He had just been trying to help her out, but it also felt like she had stopped being useful to him.

She felt abandoned by her friends, left alone to grow old and have no purpose. Had they really thought she was dead, or did they abandon her on purpose? Had they just used her to get what they wanted? No, she knew that was not true by a longshot. Garrus, Tali, Liara- they would never have done that to her intentionally. Maybe she was just destined to die with no real purpose in the end. It was a fate she had refused to accept, yet she had no idea how to break free of the chains that bound her to it. Spending nearly 4 months in the hospital seemingly stripped her of all purpose, not to mention the release from the Alliance. And though she would deny it, her pride had taken a massive hit. The alcohol was just enough to take the edge off, but still left enough room for her mind to wander. As the night wore on, she continued to lounge in the numbness. The music had stopped playing at some point and the silence had coaxed her to drift in and out of a light slumber.

A loud doorbell rang and woke her with a start. She fell into the coffee table during her attempt to get up and grab the glock that was laying there. Bottles clattered noisily onto the glass surface and she hissed an unholy curse. She dismissed the noise and tried to go back to her couch, gun in hand.

Thud, thud, thud.

The banging ensued and accompanied the doorbell. She checked the time- 02:45 in the morning. That was not good for her visitor. Who could possibly be here so early in the morning? Maybe it was Hackett with news. Or maybe it was someone here to kill her. That was always a possibility. Shepard got up and muttered obscenities as she headed toward the front door.

She breathed deeply and her body filled with adrenaline when she thought of a threat being on the other side of that door. Shaking, she unlocked the door and opened it. She pointed her gun at the dark figure in the hallway, but everything halted when her eyes caught sight of the figure at the door. Her grip on the fully loaded glock loosened in her shock and it was knocked out of her hands with ease.


	5. Like a Slap in the Face

**T**he sound of the glock hitting the tile floor echoed into the apartment behind her.

Her blood boiled as Garrus Vakarian stepped toward her- his eyes examining her. She had almost attacked him before she had seen his face.

The anger and adrenaline pulsed through her as she grabbed onto the collar of his Turian military uniform. Despite her still recovering, she was strong enough to yank a surprised Garrus into the apartment.

_"Shepard, ar-"_

_**Smack**_.

The sound of her slapping the good side of his face echoed through the apartment.

_"How could you do that to me, Vakarian!" __"You had a gun pointed at me! You could have shot me!"_

_"How long?"_ She interrupted him with a glare- he could see the deep pain in her eyes.

_"How long did it take you to find me?"_ She asked angrily, her teeth were clenched hard.

_"Were you even looking?"_ Her voice low and sharp with venom. She expected him to retort and start spewing an explanation, but he stayed silent. _"Because I've been here this entire fucking time- but no one came. Not even one of you came!"_ She hissed through tears and clenched teeth.

_"When I was in the hospital, I sent message after message and apparently not one of them got through. Hackett was the only one to visit me in the hospital and he was only there to throw release papers at me."_

Her voice cracked as she tried to maintain her composure.

_"Anderson's gone, and-"_ She reached up to cover her mouth with her hand, stunned that the words had finally slipped from her lips. His response was a low hum and he firmly pulled her into his arms. He rested his chin on the top of her head. She closed her eyes and simply let his presence melt her anger away.

She was still upset with him for not showing up when she had needed him, but he was here now. He pulled away and reached up to place a hand over the left side of her face- brushing a talon against the scar on her cheek. _"If I had known you were alive, I would have come sooner."_

He was telling the truth. When his voice got low with a rumble, when his eyes met hers with inexplicable gentleness, and when the emotion behind his words was conveyed in his subharmonics- there was no doubt in her mind.

His soft touches combined with his words helped her relax. She could feel the hormones that she had been missing start to rush through her system again. She felt so much better. What a bitch she was being. Only thinking about herself and what she had been through in the last few months. A feeling of shame came over her. She bit her lip as she looked up at him through tears. Her hand took his own while giving him a sheepish grin.

_"I- I'm sorry for slapping you."_

He chuckled and his mandibles fluttered.

_"I've never been slapped by a human before- I had imagined what it would feel like. You know, with as soft as human hands are... but just remind me to not piss you off again."_

She leaned up and kissed his mandible, sliding her arms around his neck. Their eyes met and they held each other's gaze for a moment.

_"Thalassa, I'm sorry. I've let you down."_ Her eyes wavered for a moment as she fought the urge to cry again.

_"Garrus, I thought about you every day I was in that damned hospital. Hoping that you would come and rescue me."_

He smiled and shook his head lightly.

_"You could never just sit down and do nothing for a day could you?"_

She scrunched her nose in disapproval and kicked at his shins.

_"You asshole. It was almost 5 months."_

She grinned as he swiftly picked her up- carrying her to the couch. There was a silence that accompanied them for a long while. They just sat on the sofa, and it wasn't long before Shepard had fallen asleep leaning against him. Garrus had lifted her carefully, as not to wake her, and transferred her to the bedroom. To his dismay, the bed looked untouched- as if it hadn't been slept in at all.

The Turian looked down at his sleeping mate and sighed. He knew she hadn't been sleeping. When she did, she probably slept on that piece of crap in the living room. Knowing her, the bed was probably too soft to her liking. Stubborn woman. But he couldn't give her too much of a hard time because he understood her. He got her into the bed and managed to pull the sheets up and over her. He felt he had failed his duty to protect her. Turian males were supposed to protect their partners with vigor, no matter the cost. He didn't know if humans had similar customs, but whatever they were he knew he had probably failed them too. Garrus reached down to brush some hair out of her face before investigating the apartment.

The front door was locked. He turned the lights out and drew the automatic shades on the large window closed. He picked up the gun that had fallen earlier and examined it with interest before making his way back to the bedroom.


	6. Home

Garrus knew the apartment would not have food for him, so he brought a load of sustinance from Palaven and stocked the kitchen.

Earth was not likely to have provisions for dextro beings. What he had would last for a month or two, but then he'd have to find another way to find food. He wasn't sure what would happen in the next few days. Shepard was pretty upset with him- she may not even want him here. He was prepared to leave if he had to.

His father and Solana hadn't agreed with his leaving to find Shepard, but they understood the circumstances. It was difficult for them to fully comprehend the relationship he had with Thalassa. If only they'd had a chance to see it with their own eyes, maybe then they would approve. But then again, his leaving to be with Shepard has caused a lot of conflict within his family. If they knew he had been planning to spend the rest of his life with her- well, let's say they probably would just disown him altogether.

Shepard was still asleep by the late morning hours, and he didn't have the heart to wake her. She obviously needed the sleep.

The snow hadn't stopped and the white dust caked the cityscape in white. It never snowed on Palaven- so he was indifferent to the cold and had no taste for it, yet Shepard always dragged him to the places where the climate was prevalent.

There was a series of grunting noises coming from the bedroom. He chuckled to himself and he started brewing coffee in the kitchen. The times when he would make the dark liquid for her on the Normandy came to mind. He didn't understand humans' fascination with it. It smelled like burnt dirt to him. He heard her shuffling around when finally, she stepped out into the living room. He was perched on a bar stool at the kitchen counter. His mandibles spread out with a twitch.

"Good morning."

He said, just to test the waters. Her eyes were wide awake with what seemed like surprise, but she was really just trying to keep her eyes open. She made her way over and leaned against the counter, glancing from the window to his eyes. "I- thought you left." She muttered and he noticed her chewing on her lip, a bad habit of hers. His eyes searched her- wanting to know exactly what she was thinking.

"Where would I go? My home is here." He replied just as the coffee quit brewing. The familiar aroma made her grin and she shook her head lightly. "I don't deserve to have you here, Garrus."

She said, pouring the black nectar into a mug.

"Why do think that?"

There was a long pause because she took a sip of her coffee. She couldn't force her eyes to meet his, though she knew he was looking at her with his icy blue ones. She set her coffee on the counter and rested her hands on the flat surface. "Even though we beat the reapers- I can't help feeling like we failed. I feel like I failed."

She couldn't get herself to verbally list off all the people who died during the war, but their faces flashed through her mind. Mordin, Legion, EDI, Anderson, Thane... some people she had cared about.

Garrus sat across from her quietly and listened, his mandibles clasped to his face. He could tell this had been bothering her. All of this pain she was carrying wasn't necessarily hers to bear. She was always empathetic- but he knew she needed a reminder that she couldn't control it all. By this time, he had gotten up and made his way over to her. She made eye contact with him and he took her hand, leaning in to nuzzle the side of her face.

"Shepard, you've always expected so much of yourself. Let's pull you back into your own boots for a moment. Yes, you've accomplished many incredible things in your lifetime, but that does not make you all-powerful. You're still human. You have limits and that's okay. No one expected you to be able to save everyone, not even the people who chose to follow you to hell and back expected that from you."

She rested her free hand against his side, sniffling to try and hold back the tears.

She knew he was right- instead of feeling sorry for herself, she knew it was time to mourn her friends instead.

She took a breath and pressed closer to him, kissing his neck softly. "Thank you for being here."

He hummed and let go of her hand to embrace her. "There's no where else I would rather be."

They stood there for a while and before long Shepard had finished her coffee and they had discussed what had happened after the crucible. Garrus explained the situation with the Normandy and them having to port somewhere to repair. It had taken them a while- then they dropped each crew member off. He had gone to visit his family. He left the bit out about Primarch Victus contacting him and requesting that Garrus be the next Primarch because... it was not something he thought would be appropriate for now.

Shepard told him more about her hospital experience. It was a good conversation. Garrus ran a talon through Shepard's hair and 'hmphed'.

"I need to shower, but I have issues washing my hair. My arms can't be raised for very long..." she admitted and smiled at him.

"Go shower. I'll be here when you finish. I'll probably get some kind of meal going."

She kissed him before leaving to the bedroom. He stood there for a moment- He didn't cook. He barely knew how to cook a meal for himself let alone one for her.

That got him moving.

Before long, she had already been in the shower for a couple minutes. She was startled by the bathroom door opening- it was hard to see through the curtain. Garrus appeared with a clear of his throat. "Ah, I needed a shower too so- I figured-" She smirked and gestured.

"Get over here, Scars."


	7. Right Behind You

WARNING: It's nothing over the top.

* * *

"Get over here, Scars."

"Look who's talking."

The scars on her figure told a tale. One of epic proportions with their fire-like wisps. The discolored shapes were like shadows of her past that melded into her skin. They covered her more than he had expected, and it tore him apart to see them. She must have caught the look in his eyes because she frowned and looked down at herself with a sense of insecurity.

"It's bad, right?"

He stepped toward her and gingerly ran a hand along her neck and shoulder.

"Hm, at least we're matching. No need to get tattoos." She gave him a confused look and then she laughed. "Vega told you he suggested that he and I should get matching tattoos didn't he?"

"He did, and he also mentioned something about 'flirtatious crap'. Then he tied it up with an impressive apology."

Romantics weren't something that Garrus was particularly good at. It wasn't a secret that it was a developed insecurity in him.

"Good. You don't get anywhere in life with no follow-through."

Garrus didn't like her response and it showed on his face. "Mhh, sorry- my translator is glitching. Do you mean that you wanted him to follow-through?"

She laughed and shook her head with a smile. "Hell no. Even if he had followed-through with his flirting ass, he wouldn't have gotten anywhere with me. I was already gunning for a certain Turian."

He acknowledged her with a hum and ran his hand along her side and down the curve of her hip. She shifted her position to share the water with him, yet he didn't get under the water, he kept his hands on her and even tightened his grip on her love handles. She could feel the sharpness of his talons pressed against her skin.

"Alright, Vakarian- what did you actually come in here for?"

She raised an eyebrow and he scoffed. "Wh-what!? Do you not trust me? I came to wash your hair for you... hmm... and take a shower myself."

Even though she smirked, she doubted his intentions. "Uh-huh."

He reached for the slime that she traditionally cleansed her hair with and proceeded to sift it around in her hair until it began to emit suds. It was relaxing and she was happy to not be alone for once. They bathed together in a sultry silence. Post shower- she had dressed into a robe and was sitting on the bed watching a news replay when he came out of the bathroom. He had gotten half dressed in his pants when he came and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Honey, can we talk?"

Her face held emotional neutrality even though her heart began to pound. She set aside the distractions to give him her attention.

"Of course."

He reached out and took her hand, caressing her palm. The hand that had pulled triggers, saved lives, and took others. His breath hitched in fear.

"I- I am not here to stay."

She raised an eyebrow at him and shifted her position, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "Palaven command wants me back. They said that Victus wants me as his assistant to his position as Primarch. It sounded like he wanted me to take over his job." Maybe at a time when things weren't as sensitive- she would have laughed at the notion because she had actually mentioned something to him before about being the Primarch. Back then it was more of a joke, but now that it was real...

Her face couldn't hide the look of utter conflict that plagued her mind.

"I- that's great, Garrus. But how is that even possible? Does the Turian hierarchy allow this?" He seemed to think for a moment before giving a definitive answer- which he downplayed.

"I'm sure that command wants me to be involved in rebuilding Palaven. I don't think the job would be too intense, but I won't know until I see for myself." She hesitated to say anything. She was running a thousand lonely scenarios in her head.

"S-so, are you going back to Palaven then?"

His eyes searched her own green ones. He could register the uncommunicated hurt in her demeanor, so he gave her hand a squeeze of reassurance.

"Only if you come with me."

Her doubt evaporated upon hearing his words. The expression of love and admiration on her features signaled Garrus to relax. She reached up to rest a hand on his bicep and leaned forward to kiss him. "Garrus, you have followed me to hell and back on more than one occasion. I think it's time that I follow you for a change. You say the word. I'm right behind you."

His mandibles fluttered, and with ease he had pulled her into his arms. She straddled his waist while he nuzzled her exposed neck. Her hands massaged the muscles in his arms and neck.

"Damn. Well, in that case..." He pulled away from her for a moment to connect their gazes. "If I asked you to stay with me forever, would you?"

Her smile seemed to brighten the room, not only that- but his body came undone at her touch. Her hands rested on his crest, her eyes as soft as love could make them.

"Yes. I would."


	8. The Doctor

**December 24th, 2187**

**T**halassa wished they could have stayed at the apartment to properly celebrate Christmas; however, Garrus was eager to get going. She didn't want to delay his return, especially when it was for an urgent affair. Before they left Earth, there was one trip that Garrus wanted to make, and it concerned Shepard's health. He didn't trust that Turian doctors would be able to take care of her if she came down with something, so he insisted that they make a stop in Vancouver. Hackett must have been involved somehow, but she didn't prod Garrus for an explanation.

Shepard walked through the prestigious hospital to a lab area with Garrus at the head, following a staffer. The gazes from patients, staff, and onlookers burned holes into her. It wasn't necessarily negative glances- there was just a lot of muttering and staring. She assumed that the public or the entire galaxy for that matter, had no idea that she had survived. She didn't blame them for being curious or taken aback by the sight of her.

As the group approached what seemed to be an office, the staffer stopped and gestured for them to enter. Shepard glanced at Garrus for guidance and he nodded at her. She requested entry from the panel at the door, and a voice came from within. The door opened and Shepard stepped inside, a woman swiveled around in her chair to face her visitors.

"Shepard!" The human woman cried softly with emotion as she rose from her seat.

"Karin." Thalassa breathed and the elder approached her and they embraced. Dr. Chakwas shed a couple of tears before pulling away to rest her hands against the younger woman's cheeks. Shepard couldn't believe that she was seeing tears in the doctor's eyes.

"Oh my- look at you. I'm so sorry. The things you have had to endure..." Shepard's scars must have elicited the heartfelt response. Karin was like a mother to Thalassa. The mother-daughter dynamic had developed during the time they had spent together on the Normandy from the Collectors to the Reapers. Chakwas sighed sadly and looked over at Garrus with a welcoming smile. "Hello, Garrus. Staying well, I hope."

"Doing just fine, doctor. You are as well?" The elder nodded and rested her hands on Shepard's shoulders briefly as a gesture of affection before she pulled away. Karin moved toward her desk and shifted some documents around.

"Yes, my work here has been helpful to the many patients we have had in the last few months. We have discharged many with a bill of health. As rewarding as this work has been, I believe I am ready to move on." Shepard pursed her lips.

"Dr. Chakwas, are you still with the Alliance?" The doctor paused and her brow furrowed at the question. "No, I decided that I needed a break. Everyone from the Normandy had departed, so naturally I couldn't imagine working on another ship." She sighed- her gaze rested on Shepard with sorrow.

"I am so relieved you're alive. Yet, I feel responsible for not trying harder to find you." Shepard waved a hand in dismissal.

"Don't get hung up on it. It's okay- apparently it wasn't a well-known fact that I was alive. I think Hackett hid it to protect me. Regardless, you're here now- that counts for something." She reassured the doctor with a smile.

"And I am certainly ready to serve you both. I do thank you for giving me this chance, Garrus. I always take pleasure in treating our commander." Garrus stepped toward them and spoke up-

"It's a pleasure to have you onboard, doctor. Get your things and meet us at docking bay G7."

* * *

It took little less than an hour for Karin to arrive aboard the V2-Jullianus, a well-made Turian frigate that reminded Shepard of the Normandy in a few ways. In body style, Turian ships had a more rugged look to them, this ship was no exception. She had to hand it to the Turian Hierarchy, they knew how to construct ships. It wasn't as homey as the Normandy, but it would have to suffice for the time being.

The ship had a small crew of whom Shepard could sense harbored mixed responses to the humans coming aboard. Unlike the Alliance though, Turian crews saw respect in keeping their opinions to themselves. It made her wonder if there would ever be any issues in the future.

Chakwas was preoccupied with the well-outfitted infirmary. Despite the fact that the medical bay was wealthy in supplies, Karin had brought her own medical supplies to treat human anatomy as well. Garrus also had the foresight to stock up on human supplies while they were on Earth. Shepard made her concerns about the various selection of supplies quite clear to him, but he reassured her that he wasn't expecting there to be any situations that would call for blood transfusions- it was just a precaution.

After the ship had taken off and headed toward Palaven, Garrus sent Shepard to the room that would serve as her quarters for the time they would be on the ship. The room labelled C-3 was on the crew deck- so she expected to be bunked with the rest of the crew, but the room she walked into was spacious.

Upon entry, there was a desk on the right, and to the left was a long horizontal window that provided an impressive view of the outside. Beyond the window was a large bed in an alcove on the far side.

She approached the bed and a soft texture beneath her feet caught her attention. It was a rug that closely resembled the one she once had in her own quarters on the Normandy. As she looked around more she began to realize that maybe the rug was hers after-all. The medal in a frame on the desk was also hers, and she smiled at the framed photo of her and Garrus. It was a photo they had taken at Garrus' 'favorite spot' on the citadel during their excursion on shore leave. Shepard dropped her small bag of things on the bed and noticed a rifle propped by the nightstand. Then recognized an assortment of things that were also Garrus'.

Why would they be bunking together? There had to be some kind of Turian regulation that prohibited high-ranking officers to share a room with- well, since she wasn't considered military anymore it didn't really matter.

"Getting settled?"


	9. Rugs

"Getting settled?"

The atmosphere in the room changed as he approached her. Shepard gave her surroundings one last visual assessment. "Yeah. It's semi-comfortable." There was a burning sensation within the air and she figured she would extinguish it immediately.

"Are we- sharing this space, Garrus?"

The question made him scoff. "What? You have got to be kidding me. I'm sorry, but I recall you insisting on the Normandy that I move in with you." Her scrutinizing gaze made him forget for a moment that she was no longer his commanding officer. "Yes. But I seem to remember that you rejected my offer because it wasn't proper 'protocol'." His mandibles flared and he nodded. "Well, I just didn't think it was the right time. I can admit that I wasn't ready. But after almost losing you for the third time- I don't think it would be wise to wait any longer." Shepard adjusted her position on the bed. It was not desirable in firmness, but despite comfort level it was probably considered a king in size by human standards. She found her eyes shifting back to the rectangular grey rug on the floor beside the bed. "Is that my old rug?"

"Yeah, I took the liberty of emptying your cabin on the Normandy before the Alliance could confiscate it all." On the other side of the bed, he brought out a box full of things and placed it next to her. "This is some of it, there's more in the closet." The door he referred to was on the wall adjacent to the desk. As she sifted through the old clothing, she found the warm comfort of familiarity. Her belongings kept her planted in who she was; gave her some sense of normalcy in her unpredictable everyday situations.

With glassy eyes, she looked up at him. "Why did you keep all of this?" Garrus moved to position himself beside her, pushing the box aside to do so. "I- couldn't get rid of it. Every time I tried to convince myself that it was time- I couldn't do it. I guess my instinct was telling me that you were still out there. My head told me to hell with it- but the longer I kept putting it off the more I tried to find you.." He was reluctant to admit it, but the smell of her that permeated the clothing had kept him grounded in reality- as painful as that reality was.

He met her gaze, smiling. "Hackett contacted me. That's when he told me where you were in a heavily encrypted message. He was using some kind of old human coding. He probably wanted to be sure that if anyone intercepted the message it would be protected."

It was remarkable just how much Hackett had actually cared. She gave the old admiral a lot of crap, but he did more for her than she gave him credit for.

"Thank you, Garrus."

"What for? All I did was make myself look like a fool for hording my supposedly dead girlfriend's stuff." She smiled and raised an eyebrow.

"Did the crew just let you take it?"

"Well, I let Vega have the Cerberus husk head. That thing was freaky."

She leaned over and rested her hands on Garrus' thighs. Their faces inches apart. "I don't blame you. It had a tendancy to make noises at all hours. Would have been a pain to haul around. Plus, I'm pretty sure it could bite."

He grumbled and brushed a few of her dark wavy locks out of her face. "Mh, apparently you aren't afraid of being bitten anyways 'cause you kept it."

"Hell no, if that thing bit me I would have thrown it out of an airlock."

He chuckled and ran his talons through her hair. "If I bit you would you throw me out of an airlock too?"

"Mmmh, I'd say that the odds are in your favor."

She mumbled with a grin before getting up and patting his leg. "I'm going to go check on Dr. Chakwas and see if she needs any help settling in."

He caught her hand as she was walking away. A swift movement of his arm pulled her back to him. His eyes were fixed on her with the intensity that she had missed. She anticipated what he was going to say- bracing herself for impact.

"Don't miss dinner at 1700." She snickered at his reminder and gently tried to free herself.

"I won't."

He refused to let go of her hand.

"1700- in the dining hall. I showed you where it was."

"Yes, Garrus! I will be there!" He stood up and his mandibles twitched in what she recognized to be a sign of playfulness. His eyes had softened now and she stopped struggling, attempting to stay cool with her own expressions.

"You promise?" His other hand had come up to brush against her side. Her body jolted away from his attempt to tickle her and she used his opposite hand as leverage to stay upright.

"Garrus Vakarian! Let go of me!"

She managed to slip away only because he had loosened his grip. "Nice try, Vakarian. not today.." Her tone ridden with jest as she left the room before he could stop her this time.

"1700!" He called after her as she disappeared. His intuition pricked at him and he felt a tightness in his chest.

She was definitely avoiding something. What she was avoiding he couldn't say, but it was unlike her.

* * *

"Is this really necessary?" Shepard asked and got a hiss from the doctor. "Don't move, Shepard." Karin scanned and made Shepard perform a few standard medical assessments. Chakwas didn't seem pleased at the results of the scan and pursed her lips in thought. "I received the records from London and they were very specific about their treatment plans."

The doctor flicked away at her omni-tool while continuing.

"Because your cybernetics have recorded trauma, and even though the doctor in London worked to reboot them, if I am interpreting these readings correctly; they are no longer needed for your body to function properly." Karin's expressions communicated her amazement and dumbfounded bewilderment. "I need to run some tests."

Shepard gave a grunt in reply and shook her head. "Let's not get too carried away, doc. Is there anything wrong with me?" She was ready to be finished with this charade. She was done being analyzed and picked apart by doctors. She loved and admired Karin, but Shepard's mental state was fragile. Hearing about her cybernetics left her feeling relieved, yet concerned- adding to the pile of stress.

"Nothing is in dire need of attention, but I must press that you need to be resting, Shepard. Do not participate in anything overly physical for the time being." She cleared her throat and looked down at her omni-tool. "How are you, Shepard?"

The simple question caught Thalassa in a bind. It was in these moments that white lies were easy to tell. "Fine- I feel great. I still have trouble getting out of bed, but-"

"That's not what I meant."

The good doctor sat on the examination table across from her and abandoned her omnitool to give Shepard's soul a soft, yet pointed gaze.

"PTSD is not something you can shove under a rug, Thalassa."

"Yeah. Well, a lot fits under my rug. I don't think it'll be a problem." Chakwas shook her head and stood up.

"I say this as your friend, sweetheart-"

There was more than just empathy behind the elder woman's eyes.

"Please don't wait too long to deal with your past and present pains. It will only stunt your current situation."

Karin placed her hand over one of Shepard's briefly before moving back to her desk.

"You are free to go. I will see you at dinner. 17-"

"1700- yup."

Weights felt as if they were strapped to Shepard's feet as she left the med bay.

Her shoulders took the brunt of the tension- creating pain in her neck.

Shepard once painted a picture in her mind of what her life might look like after the war. She realized that the brush she used for those strokes were far too idealized; reality was poised to cover her easily attained fantasy with many shades of uncertainty that she wasn't ready to face.

Nothing was ever that easy. Why had she expected anything less?


	10. Grab Your Gear

The relays between Earth and Palaven had been restored early on. Political and diplomatic relations had strengthened since the reapers had been defeated and that meant aid for both planets. Even though food could not be traded, other supplies and resources were passed between the two planets in an attempt to not only improve relations, but also set the stage for future bridges to be built between the races. Shepard thought it was a beautiful exchange. It could be the beginning of a beneficial cross-species alliance that could last for centuries. Some Turians were not happy with the unity according to multiple reporting networks. It was unclear if the disagreements were founded, but it did not render any concern for action. The rumors of revolt were whispers in the wind.

Ultimately, Shepard had wondered if such tensions had anything to do with her difficulties to connect personally with the crew. Garrus had responsibilities even though they hadn't even reached Palaven; consequences of being a prestigious war hero.

Garrus refused to give her any tangible tasks which led her to decide what to do with her time. After she had spoken to Chakwas- a nagging feeling lingered inside her. She had to do something about it. Stewing in it while lounging on the bed wasn't helping, so she found herself in the cargo bay.

The space of the bay was left empty- a perfect place for her to break Chakwas's rules.

Stretching was a lot easier than it used to be- she felt much more alive. It wasn't long before the cargo bay was filled with exerted breathing rhythms. Strong and co-ordinated movements made up her exercise routine.

She knew Chakwas would disapprove of the activity, but what else was she supposed to do? She was getting antsy. Her desire to see some action filled her veins when she got worked up. At least she found an outlet to exert such desire without having to be in a firefight.

Her adrenaline pumped with each fist she thrust into the air. She managed to do pushups pretty well, despite the strain she could feel in her shoulders. The squats burned her leg muscles a lot more than she remembered, but at least she was mobile enough to do them in the first place. Little less than an hour later, she collapsed to the metal floor in exhaustion. A sigh left her body while she relieved her trapped and swollen feet from her socks and shoes.

She laid there for a while, panting and staring at the dark ceiling. Her thoughts lamented over the loss of strength in her body. It wasn't enough to say that she felt the weakening of only her physical strength. There was one other time when she had felt like this- waking up after the Lazarus project. She had lost herself and had to adapt to the changes back then, but the emotional pain was no different.

* * *

**December 26th, 2187**

17:23- that was the time when Garrus left the dining hall with a plate of levo food. She hadn't come to dinner- again. He couldn't decide whether or not to bring it up, but for now the issue was left unadressed.

Garrus sat the plate of food on the desk in their quarters and had to go back to work. They would reach Palaven later in the evening- and then he would meet with the primarch.

The planet still smoldered. The patches that once blazed red and orange were now embers of what it used to be. The view outside the command center window was breathtaking.

Garrus had already filled out a status report to his superiors and he was ready to do something more productive. While he stood at his station his omni-tool lit up. Grimacing at the listed contact- he accepted the call and his father addressed him on the other end.

"Did you heed my advice?" A silence fell. "Well, I'll take that as a no."

"She'll be fine. You underestimate her." Garrus retorted sharply.

"It's not that I underestimate her. I have much respect for her. What concerns me is your lack of discretion in balancing work and other commitments."

Garrus was tired of hearing his father's many criticisms- especially when it came to his relationship with Thalassa. Though, he could not deny that his father's concerns were warranted.

"Look, dad. I appreciate your concern, but she wanted to come. I intend to do everything I can to protect her, so you have no reason to hound me." Garrus had a hard time keeping his tone level and cool.

"Son, you know I cannot ignore how you have dismissed your family. It is easy to transfer that to your relationship with your mate if you aren't careful. If you need a place to live, you are always welcome to stay with us."

"Whatever you say. I have to go." The blip of the call ending rang in his ear and the words of his father fluttered around in his mind. After the reapers, Castis had gone back to Cipritine on Palaven to advise the Turian hierarchy in managing the increase of criminal activity. Garrus met both Castis and Solana to reconcile with them and catch up on some lost time right after the collector base was destroyed. Since then, his father has inserted his opinions and 'advice' into Garrus' affairs.

It wasn't long before the ship arrived at a port in Cipritine. Shepard appeared as the ship docked- lingering nearby with her arms crossed. Garrus met her gaze, mandibles clasped ridgedly against his face. "Are you ready?" The woman smiled and shifted her weight. "As I'll ever be."

"Come on."

They went to the airlock and he revealed a large tough box from a storage unit.

"Your cabin yielded quite a bit of equipment. Including this." His talons worked to undo the clasps on the case and he opened it.

She couldn't believe her eyes. The smile that formed on her face made Garrus puff with pride.

A metallic set of black N7 armor with red accents was neatly bundled inside the box.

"Let's get you suited up."


	11. The Primarch

"You're just full of surprises aren't you, big guy?"

Shepard quipped- her hands working to slip on a black undersuit.

"You know me. Have to keep things interesting." He was patiently watching her, and soon he moved to help her start clasping on pieces of armor.

"Did you eat the dinner that I left you?" He asked, his gaze remaining downward as he outfitted her calves.

She muttered something in 'French' that he could barely register.

"I guess I missed the memo."

He didn't conceal his disappointment with her in his grumbling.

"Shepard, you need to be eating."

He moved up her legs and snapped her thigh pieces in place.

The silence said more than her words could. He was unsure of how to fill the void without upsetting the balance between them.

They finished her suit in a short time, and Garrus held her hands. A flashback of their last words to each other flickered in his mind. That horrible final stretch to the catalyst was a nightmare that would stick with him forever.

"Thalassa, I love you. I know it's been a rough ride, but you still have to take care of yourself. I can only do so much for you. And it worries me that you tend to put yourself on the back burner."

His tone dropped to a low rumble- a purr that vibrated in her own chest. "I'm sorry. I don't have an excuse. I think I've lost some of my luster along the way, Garrus." She admitted and gave his hands a squeeze which seemed to draw him near.

"What do you mean?"

She pulled her hands away to adjust her gloves.

"I guess I'm beginning to realize the toll the war took on me. I'm damaged goods."

She laughed softly in an attempt to relieve the tension. "I mean- I was always damaged, but I could mask it before; now it's... extensive. I can't hide it anymore."

There was a pause before he stepped behind her to gather up her dark hair into a neat bun just as she had taught him.

"We both know that war isn't forgiving. And some come out of it more scarred than others- you and I have that in common." She smiled sheepishly and stayed still to let him finish.

"-But the wounds that cut the deepest and leave the worst scars are ones that can't be seen. I know because I deal with it too- we can get through it together. So, don't be convinced that you're alone in this."

His words melted into her being like honey- soothing and sweet. She couldn't find anything to say, but as she turned back to look at him, she pressed a kiss to his lips. A moment of clarity made everything reflect like crystal. All the pressure she placed onto herself was suddenly sloughed off like an old skin.

"You always know just what to say." He shrugged and briefly pulled her against him with a clatter of armor. He took in her youthful yet mature facial features. Her small pointed nose, her cream colored skin, her green eyes filled with a purposeful gaze that batted at him through long black lashes. Despite her being scarred, she was still a heck of a knockout. "Hmm- you think I'm getting a little better at this..."

"I do."

"Well, I'll still have to practice more later. Let's not keep Victus waiting."

* * *

Palaven had a glistening skyline. The cold highrises bathed in the hues of a warm pink and orange sunset. Despite the planet's dangerous radiation levels for humans- it had a fresh spell of beauty that Shepard admired.

Dr. Chakwas had required a lot of convincing to let Shepard even leave the ship. So, by the time they reached the primarch's office, the sun was just barely spilling over the horizon and darkness would soon abide in the relinquished territory.

They had passed through security to access the higher ranking offices. It had taken a while to input Shepard's information. Her "retirement" was already in affect according to the Alliance's systems. The officer at the desk cleared them and let them proceed. People bustled in the offices and Shepard was on guard. Feeling her tension, Garrus naturally moved closer to her and every so often placed his hand at her lower back as an instinctual gesture of protection.

On her right side- a Turian collided against her and apologized briefly before continuing on. It was busy, but not enough to be bumping shoulders with anyone. Garrus didn't look happy about it, so Shepard had to remind him to stay focused. There was a knot in her gut giving her ten reasons why she didn't feel right.

They were admitted to Victus' office and he greeted them professionally, but after the attendant left he relaxed. "I did not expect you to survive, Commander. Although, I am not surprised that you're alive given your reputation for going KIA and returning to the world of the living."

She raised a hand and shrugged. "I'm no longer in the Alliance- so, Shepard is fine."

"Well, it is damn good to see you, Shepard." His attention shifted and his demeamor turned grim.

"Vakarian, I'm sure you read my report, but we are in need of someone to help secure High Command."

"Yes, sir."

The primarch's voice lowered.

"Shepard, you aren't military anymore- and you certainly have no clearance to be here to hear about this... but I trust you."

The woman nodded with a piercing gaze. "Your trust is not misplaced, primarch."

With a nod, Victus turned his gaze back to Garrus. "We've had a number of disturbances at multiple command stations. Someone has been stealing information about our outposts and sending them to a terrorist group that we have labeled Diatrie. We have little intel on them because our efforts have been focused on rebuilding Palaven. But we need to know why they are operating like this- who they are sending classified information to and why."

"Sir, if someone is leaking intel- you have people on the inside who are dirty."

"I'm aware. We need someone who can be trusted working on this and that someone is you, Vakarian."

"Sir, given my track record in C-Sec and beyond. Are you sure about this? I'm not at all a detective anymore."

"No. You're a soldier."

Victus stood from his desk and continued.

"When you were at C-Sec you were right about Saren. You were a Spectre candidate. Not only that, but your experience with criminal activities on Omega practically certifies you for this job. I suppose I don't need to mention your past with Shepard."

Garrus nodded in acceptance- not completely voicing his opinion at this point.

"Alright then, I'll brief you tomorrow with the-"

A loud sound came from afar. It transferred into the walls as a shuddering sensation. His instinct told him to grab Shepard, but it was too late. Everything shook around them and before Garrus could react, an explosion flung him against the nearest wall.


	12. Chaos

* * *

**_Hey y'all,_****_Sorry, this chapter is a bit overdue. I had a long holiday and I just now got around to edit this to get it to the point where I feel comfortable with it._****_Thank you for your continued support._****_\- Mul_**

* * *

His world seemed to pass like an echo- sounds were muffled, and sub harmonical screams could be heard in the distance. There was something ringing, but he could not pinpoint where it was coming from. He struggled to comprehend just how much time had passed between the explosion and when he finally regained some form of consciousness. He was disoriented by the blast- the room teetered when he tried to get up. He couldn't focus, but he looked around the room frantically anyway. The wall to his left had been blown out and debris covered the office space. It was currently unclear if the area was still unsafe, regardless- Garrus knew they couldn't stay.

His eyes finally landed on a dark figure curled up across the room and he scrambled over to it. He had to move some debris out of the way before making it to the human female form.

"Shepard." His heart pounded hard when she didn't respond. Her hands covered her ears and she had her face tucked away. The woman's body shook furiously and when he listened closely, her inconerent mumbling could be heard. He had done some research on PTSD after finding out that she was diagnosed with. It worried him to see her in such a state.

"Thalassa- I'm here." Garrus rested a hand against her waist and the other he used to tug at the arm closest to him. Her body shifted while beginning to take notice of him. Her eyes met his and they were pierced with terror, unlike anything he had ever seen before. Her face was streaked with blood and grime. She managed to sit up, but practically fell into his arms with a clatter of armor as she tried to stand. Her uncontrollable shaking reverberated through his arms. He could not believe the sheer horror she was experiencing in her own mind.

"It's okay, I'm here. We need to move. Can you stand?" Garrus eyed her vigilantly and watched her nod. "Yeah-" He regretted not making sure she had worn her helmet, but thankfully the glass hadn't shattered despite being cracked in countless places.

"Is Victus still in here?" She asked. Her eyes were distant and struggled to stay focused on anything for long, she squinted and bobbled a few times. It was evident that she wouldn't get very far.

"I'm fine." She hissed before he even opened his mouth because she sensed his concerned gaze. After she adjusted herself upright without his help, Garrus scanned the room for the primarch.

"Primarch Victus!" He called out- it was a long shot, but Victus was a tough bastard. "Victus!" The moment Garrus turned away- Shepard collapsed behind him. "Dammit, Thalassa."

He immediately checked her vitals to be sure that she was alive, then gathered her up into his arms. She passed between consciousness, fighting to stay awake. "I'm- I'm fine."

He called for Victus once more with a sweep of the office and a reply came from one side of the room. The desk had landed right on top of the primarch against the cracked window. "Sir, I have to go get help. I'm sorry- I'll come back for you."

Victus replied with exasperation.

"Go! Someone will find me."

A sudden glow of blue took Garrus by surprise. The large quantity of debris that had piled on top of Victus was thrown across the room along with a pained cry from Garrus' arms. The desk crashed into the glass window, causing the long cracks to spread like webs. Thank the spirits for Turian infrastructure.

Garrus looked down at Shepard in concern. "That- it... didn't feel good." She slurred weakly before her eyes closed. The sudden heaviness of her body set panic into his bones. Before he could do anything for her, he first got Victus to his feet and they started to make their way toward the noise. People bustled in the chaos and sirens blared. A couple soldiers swarmed them and Victus was taken away by some medical personnel. Garrus was left to be stared at from afar. Humans weren't a common sight on Palaven. The majority of Turians had never seen a human with their own eyes, and to add to the shock factor, he was almost positive that many of them recognized her. The human spectre who took down Saren and the Reapers.

Some of the windows in the building were blown out, so naturally, Garrus was concerned about exposing Shepard to any form of radiation which employed a quickenning of his stride. He emplyed his omni-tool to inform the Jullianus. "Klarkin, inform Dr. Chakwas that I need her to meet me at the airlock ASAP."

Everything around him passed in a blur.

He felt like he was running through thick water. The uncertainty hung in his chest, painfully pulling air in and out of his lungs.

Chakwas was ready for him at the airlock when he approached. Her face creased with age and concern, she followed him quickly toward the med bay. The doctor immediately began to run some scans to assess Shepard's injuries on the way.

"What happened?" Chakwas asked in a high pitched voice filled with confusion.

"An explosion. I don't know how, who or why-" The crew's curious gazes followed them as they went. The Turian doctor on staff followed them in a hurry. "Sir, let me be of assistance."

"No, Klarkin. Stay out of the way."

He set Shepard down on a med table and it was then that he realized how pale she was. Blood trailed from her nose and touched her lips- her hair was still in a bun but some of it was matted and glistened as if it was wet.

"I have knowledge of human biology- I can at least assist Dr. Chakwas."

Klarkin continued on in defiance and Garrus blew a gasket. He knew that Klarkin had a habit of inserting himself into situations that did not concern him- Garrus didn't have the time for it. The pheromones in the room only exacerbated Garrus' outburst- he grabbed the other male Turian and pinned him against a set of cabinets which knocked over whatever they contained with a few clattering noises. "You won't lay a talon on her- you hear me, Klarkin?" Garrus growled in anger, bearing his sharp teeth in dominance.

"Garrus!" Chakwas grabbed his arm, but his eyes remained on Klarkin. "You're wounded and need medical attention- please let him help me and then we can patch you up as well." There was a tense pause between all three of them and then Garrus gave Klarkin one more good shove while releasing him.

"Dr. Klarkin, listen to my instructions carefully." Chakwas said as Klarkin escaped Garrus' reach.

Chakwas' hands were swift and unclasped Shepard's armor with ease. Garrus' frustration pushed him out of the med bay.

He paced the halls to gather his thoughts. When the adrenaline in his system lulled- he noticed the blood on his armor. The deep purplish hues where their blood had mingled told him what he hadn't felt earlier. His silver chest plate was smeared with red and blue fluids. A few droplets had run down his legs and more was smeared on his arms. Just the sight of her blood on him made his own blood boil which helped him decide that whoever set off that explosion was already dead.


	13. Voluntary Deafness

(Enjoy this very overdue update.)

_Garrus fiddled with the datapad in his grasp. Running his talon nervously along the edge of it. This was the second time Shepard had invited him up to her quarters, and he wasn't sure if it'd be the last._

_To his surprise the door opened in front of him and his plan-B came to a shrieking halt. Thalassa stood there with a startled expression and crossed her arms._

_"Were you going to come in?"_

_Her hip was cocked to one side, shortening her stature which was average to start with. Her lips curved into a curious grin. He could swear that her eyes saw into his soul- reading him like a book._

_"Hm, yes. Of course I was- I just got here." He went into the room and sat on the couch. Setting his pad aside on the coffee table._

_She followed before long and crawled into the bed- fluffing the comforter up and opening her laptop._

_Her hand fanned at him- gesturing for him to come over. When he didn't move, she pulled him in with her gaze._

_They curled up on the bed together as she put on an old human movie. Regardless of_ _what it was even about, he had a hard time breathing because of how close they were. He could hear her breath and how it filled and left her chest- he marveled at the power behind that breath; Oh, how the universe would be as good as dead if she quit breathing_.

_The movie ran for about 20 minutes before she let out a sigh and paused it. Giving Garrus a pretty disappointed glance. "You're not even watching it are you?"_

_He blinked at her in surprise and shook his head. "I am watching it._"

_"No- everytime I look at you you're eyes are on me. What's the matter? Is my hair bothering you?"_

_She had it_ _it down for the first time in a while and he'd only seen it down a handful of times, but that was not why he was distracted. He reached up to run his talons through her hair._

_"No. I like it like this."_

_She shifted her body to face him more. Seemingly desiring to accommodate all of him. "Then- what?"_

* * *

The breath hitched in her throat as she regained consciousness. It wasn't the first time she had woken up with nausea and dizziness. Her extremities ached. She didn't have the strength to get up. A couple monitor lights blinked in the darkness.

Something shifted at her side and then she heard what sounded like a light gargling noise. It was then that she became aware of something or someone holding her hand.

She reached out with her other to touch whatever was beside her- the warmth that radiated from the body felt familiar.

She could make out a fringe and felt the familiar texture of Garrus' bare hand in hers. A smile worked its way onto her lips.

She had never heard Garrus snore before.

Her mind drifted away and within a few hours she woke again and supposed she had slept a while because the body beside her was gone.

She attempted to sit up and managed it with a seering pain in her side. The room was definitely the medbay.

The cold floor beneath her feet met the barrier of warm socks. Garrus knew her all too well- she hated sleeping without something on her feet.

She painfully shuffled toward the door- interacted with the interface and opened it. The light paralyzed her and she had to lean against the door frame to keep herself from falling over.

"What the hell are you doing?"

A voice came from somewhere in the sea of light. Her head throbbed when she squinted to make out the figure coming at her.

"Oh look- you're still alive." She retorted and by his demeanor, it was obvious that he wasn't having it.

"Get back in the room-" He had to peel her from the door frame to carry her back to the hospital bed. "Vakarian, I don't appreciate you man-handling me."

"I don't care what you do and don't want right now. You are on bed rest."

She scoffed and let out a sigh. Shepard pulled the blanket up over her legs.

"Let me guess, concussion and some sort of lasceration in my side?"

"Don't forget your broken rib and fractured nose."

"Oh yeah! Hell. Can't forget those."

The glow of his visor illuminated a portion of his face. He moved in the dark swiftly- like a shadow.

She grasped at the air until she caught a part of him and held it with all the strength she had.

"Where are you going?"

"Do you not want me to leave?"

"I want you to tell me what's going on."

"Look, Thalassa. I don't know why you are behaving this way, but I am finished here. You are resting- your body has had enough. Chakwas is worried that if you don't rest your body- you could go into shock."

Her hand ventured a bit lower on him- unsure of what body part she was holding. Her fingers investigated a material that wasn't part of his clothes. "Garrus, are you wounded?"

He chuckled and lightly pried her fingers away. "Yeah. Shrapnel wounds mostly. Don't worry- I'm fine." He reassured and touched her face with the back of his hand.

"You rest. We can talk later."

"I can talk now."

The air in the room shifted and Garrus sighed. "You know, Thalassa. I've only met one person other than my father who is just as stubborn as I am. You want to take a guess as to who that would be?"

"What happened, Garrus?"

He stayed quiet. He didn't move- he didn't give her anything to go off of.

"There was a bomb. Where's Victus? Is he okay?"

The edge of the bed gave way, yet her eyes stayed on the shape of Garrus' face that was now beginning to come into view.

She felt a fluffing of the pillows behind her and his face closed in on hers. The gentle touch of his hands on her face made her close her eyes.

"Victus is fine, Thalassa. Now- do me a favor and please rest?"

He could feel her body begin to relax and lay back into the pillows. He mimicked a kiss against her cheek and caressed her shoulder.

"Don't leave, big guy..."

"I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

It was days before Garrus had allowed Shepard to move around independently. Since being close to the point of death after the fight with the reapers, her body was still recovering. Even months later any subsequent injuries made it harder for her body to recover from the trauma.

Trauma. Trauma was something that Thalassa understood at a personal level, but never felt the need to put any precautions in place to prevent it. Afterall, the only true method of prevention in her case would be to die or completely go off the grid, neither option seemed appropriate.

After a week of fluids and good bed rest, Chakwas had finally given Garrus the green light to move Shepard into their room.

It had proven to be difficult for Thalassa to sit and do nothing other than attempt to walk every now and then. It was especially difficult for her to know that a bomber was out there and she was currently unable to track them down efficiently.

Garrus was working closely with the Turian task force, but with all the conflicting stories of witnesses, they hadn't found much to incriminate anyone.

Shepard was scrolling through some report files in bed while trying to wrap her mind around recent events. She hadn't even heard Garrus come in as she rubbed her forehead in quiet frustration.

"Having a hard day?"

They had agreed never to assume that a day was bad. Their standard of bad was a lot worse than most- hence why it made more sense to focus more on the difficulty level of the day than to have a pessimistic outlook.

They were both trained to withstand more than a stack of reports.

"Yeah, I- guess you could say that."

Shepard brushed her hair back with her fingers and tossed a datapad out of the way. Garrus brought an aura of serenity into her stress-filled bubble, and per-usual it reminded her to relax. He sat beside her and gazed briefly at all the files in front of her before pushing them away from her and toward the foot of the bed.

"You know- in Turian culture they say it's bad luck to go over any kind of paperwork in bed. It is said to "taint the sheets"." He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close to him, caressing her side.

She stayed silent- gazing off into the void of her own mind.

"Thalassa."

It wasn't her name that caused her to look at him, it was his tone, broken and desperate. "None of this is your responsibility. You have done enough."

She listened resolutely, unmoved by his reasoning.

"The primarch could have died, Garrus. Or worse- you. I can't just wait around to see if it will happen again."

"It's done."

"No, it's not! The primarch wanted you to work on this, remember? We have to-"

"No."

Again, his tone caught her by surprise- it was heavy and firm this time. Almost as if a ship had crashed into an ocean- she gazed at him incredulously.

"No?"

He shifted uncomfortably, she already knew what was coming.

"The General Assembly filed a waiver stating that you cannot and will not be a part of the investigation. The primarch didn't want to pass it, but he wanted to appease the Assembly."

"Garrus, I've already done research on this. I found that the bomb was placed there right before we arrived! Remember when I told you about the suspicious Turian who had run into me on our way to see the primarch? I know he was-"

"Thalassa, stop."

He had moved now to face her, holding her shoulders to steady her. Her face was pale, almost as if she was draining away by the minute.

"The Assembly gave Victus an earful for letting you be present in a classified intelligence meeting. They made it clear to me that I cannot allow you to be involved regardless of our relationship status."

The air began to feel oppressive. They both felt it.

She got up from the bed. "What about the fact that I sacrificed everything to help save the galaxy from the reapers? Or the collectors?"

She was pacing now- the tension made Garrus' mandible flutter.

"Maybe this is for the best. You still need time to heal, Thalassa. There's only so much that omni-gel and pain killers can do."

He tried to reason with her- but his words fell upon deaf ears.


	14. The Selfish and the Restless

_Shepard's emerald eyes remained locked onto his own. She had a way of utilizing a single gaze to elicit any information she was looking for; especially from him._

_It wasn't manipulative- it was compassionate. She had a genuine desire to know what he was feeling and thinking. It made him all the more attracted to her._

_"So, if the movie isn't bothering you- what is?"_

_A heavy momentary silence weighed between them before he caved._

_"What if the IFF doesn't work? I know I shouldn't speculate or entertain the thought. But- I can't help it. Not when the people I love are in danger."_

_"I know it looks bleak. But we have to hope regardless..."_

_"You don't have to pretend with me- we both know that's a programmed answer, Shepard."_

_A sigh left her lips._

_"Trust me- I have a lot of doubts myself. I look in the mirror every day and wonder if I'm really me. Or someone else. It's hard to believe that all of this was made by Cerberus and... it's not really me."_

_"You're you,Thalassa Anne. You've grown stronger because of what you've been through, but you're still the same woman I met on the presidium years ago."_

_A smile followed her quiet laugh. Her body angled away slightly, eyes drifting off._

_"Thank you, Garrus."_

_His mandibles fluttered as their eyes locked again.This time a fire sparked in him and he didn't stop himself from wrapping an arm around her. He rolled her onto her back- assuming a position above her. His visor picked up the increase of her heart rate. Taking it as encouragement to continue_, _he__ rested his forehead against hers in a gesture of affection._

_The glow of the aquarium illuminated the soft lines of her face. Her eyes continued to establish the fierce connection between them. The hum of the ship and their breathing were the only sounds in the room._

_"I love you-"_

_Just as the words left the Turian's mouth- she initiated a kiss. A soft and tender kiss that affirmed a mutual commitment to each other._

* * *

It was a nightmare.

The horrifyingly realistic sequences within her subconsciousness had returned after a couple weeks of hiatus.

Maybe the stress was inducing them- nothing was clear. But she did know that sleep was elluding her. As much as she hated it, she couldn't stay in bed. The more insomnia engulfed her the more frustrated she became.

She could fight most physical and emotional threats, but she had no idea how to win against this unseen enemy. She and Garrus had a discussion about this- she wasn't to stay in bed like this even if she risked waking him.

Despite her efforts to not wake her mate as she left the bed, she wasn't quiet enough this time. Garrus was a highly sensitive sleeper.

Tying her hair up- she got dressed into joggers and a tank top. In addition to a black weighted vest to help get her blood pumping.

She ran laps in the cargo bay. Her mind was still running faster than she was. If only she could outrun it for once, maybe then she could sleep.

The events over the past couple of weeks were daunting. How could Victus throw her off the investigation? Given, she was never officially on it to begin with.

She understood that the primarch had overstepped the boundaries of a hierarchical official, but to go this far? After everything she had done?

Her pride was in the way. She could barely function because of the crucible blast, but her ego was fully intact and working on overdrive. She had lost sight of what was really important.

A swift blow reminded her of the Shadow Broker's dossiers. The infamous Broker had acknoledged that Garrus would not develop to his full leadership potential if Shepard was involved.

He had spent so much time loyally supporting her and her efforts over the years. The truth was painful and hard to swallow. Despite the things she wanted, there was no way she could, in good conscience, encourage Garrus to deny this job opportunity with the primarch.

It was time for Garrus to get some recognition- and Shepard would not get in the way this time.

She was on her 24th lap when her senses picked up another presence in the room. Her adrenaline kicked in, but she kept running her laps. Hypervigilant, she scanned the cargo bay carefully and noted a figure.

She knew who was watching her.

Thalassa kept going for another 15 minutes before she stopped to drink from her water bottle.

"Couldn't sleep?"

His subharmonics gave subtle hints of empathy.

"No."

"Same nightmare?"

"Different one."

"Reapers?"

"Maybe."

The hum of the ship filled the air.

"Garrus, I have been thinking about the investigation. I think you should continue on without me."

She knew Garrus may oppose her decision because he still wanted her here. Afterall- the whole reason he wanted her to come along was to be by his side.

He stared at her for a while and hummed.

"I prefer we work together. If we keep it low profile it shouldn't be a big deal."

"I'm not going to get you in trouble with your superiors, Garrus. Plus, I'm sure with your war hero status that you would have some place on-world that I could stay. Then we wouldn't have to live on this ship."

She tugged on the straps of the weighted vest.

"Or at least- I wouldn't have to."

Garrus' displeasure towards the whole situation resurfaced. Shepard wanted out. He almost had half a mind to tell the primarch that he was done with the assignment, but he knew he couldn't. The primarch was counting on him, and this was a matter of Turian security.

After considering her words while she stripped off the vest and prepared to leave the cargo hold, he sighed.

"Babe, I admire your willingness to step aside. But I can't let you leave."

Thalassa met his gaze.

"Why not? Garrus- you can do this on your own."

"If you aren't here with me I can't protect you. How do we know that the bomb wasn't placed there to kill you?"

"Maybe if I left we would find out who they're targetting."

"That is not helping."

"Sure it would!"

"That's not an option, Shepard. Drop it."

She scoffed with her signature shoulder shrug- tossing the vest over one shoulder.

"So, what? I'm on house arrest now?"

She walked away from him- toward the elevator to their quarters. Regardless of his qualms with her stubbornness, he followed.

The words of his father circulated in his mind. Castis could have contacted Shepard and convinced her to leave him. His father was notorious for interfering. But if that had happened she would have told him about it.

There was no chance that all of this could have been a mistake.


	15. Prepared

A light flashed in the dark bedroom early in the morning. His omni-tool's vibration woke him and he sent the call to voice-mail in order to not wake Thalassa.

She had eventually fallen asleep sometime in the night while she lay against his bare chest. He worried that her condition was worsening because of recent events.

He watched her sleeping face- peaceful, relaxed, and soft. Her mouth hung open slightly and a small puddle of drool was pooling on him. He tried not to chuckle at the sight.

Garrus shifted carefully to slide out from under her. She stirred because of the movement, but curled up comfortably in his leftover warmth.

He checked his messages and found a few from Victus. Garrus had figured something was up. So, he got ready and left the Jullianus.

Despite their disagreement, Garrus went to work on four hours of sleep. He'd gotten by on less before, so it wouldn't inhibit his efficiency.

It was the persistent thoughts of Shepard and her words that haunted him. Usually he didn't have a problem setting personal matters aside while working, but this day was going to be brutal.

The primarch's investigation had sprung a lead. Their initial search of the destruction near the primarch's office found that the bomb had been placed in the area next to the primarch's office. It appeared that someone had managed to place the bomb among electrical cables, which meant the perpetrator had access to electrical systems. Interviews of witnesses were underway.

Garrus had caught wind that they planned to interview him and Shepard in the near future. Garrus thought it was a waste of time; however, protocol required it. This investigation was going to take years to find and incriminate anyone at this rate.

They already had evidence that could tie the gang, Diatre, to the bomb. Similar materials and methods were used in preparing the bomb as in previous incidents that the gang was implicated.

Before Garrus knew it- a day of investigation ended, and the evening came. The darkness, however, became drowned out by the latest set of newly installed street lights a few stories below. Palaven was slowly coming back to life.

"How did she take it?"

"Not well."

Garrus typed away at a terminal in a secure location. The primarch had to lay low for a while to ensure his safety. Garrus wished there was a safer place for Shepard to be as well. He had some ideas. Anyone could be an alias to this gang by now. He couldn't trust anyone on the Jullianus besides Dr. Chakwas.

The whole situation put him on edge.

"I'm sorry. I did what I could to convince the Assembly, and I couldn't go against them on this one-"

"With all due respect, sir."

Garrus stopped typing and gave Victus a furious glance. His mandibles strained against his face in disbelief.

"You could have turned a blind eye. Shepard has done a lot for you and Palaven, and this is how you thank her? Whatever happened to honor, or getting the job done- regardless of beurucratic regulations?"

"Things are different now, Vakarian. We're trying to rebuild what we lost to the reapers. The last thing anyone should want to do is cause division among us. Didn't she seek peace and unity for us all?"

Garrus shook his head, uploading the final progress report to the Assembly's systems.

"Not like this."

He got up from his seat and gave a nod toward Victus before he left the room.

"Good night, primarch."

The trip back to the Jullianus was long. He just wanted to make sure Shepard was okay. He pulled up his messages on his omni-tool and noticed that she had not replied to him all day. This happened occasionally by accident, but this seemed to be the worst time for delayed responses given everything that's going on.

Garrus tried not to get worked up- it's possible that she was hanging out with Chakwas and got busy.

He was dropped off at docking and made his way to the ship. Everything seemed relatively normal to him.

The ship was quiet.

It reminded him of the absence of the Normandy crew when they were abducted by the collectors. It was an eerie silence that put him on edge.

Garrus took out his sidearm and began to head toward the elevator.

The slow lurch of the elevator was excruciating. The closer it inched toward the crew deck the louder the boisterous sounds became.

At this point- Garrus thought he was prepared for anything, but he was sadly mistaken.


	16. Unruly

Garrus left the elevator with his pistol in hand.

The whole dining area was filled with crew members. Loud music blared from the speakers in the ceiling. Cheering Turians crowded around what seemed to be a table. Some kept their distance and watched from afar.

The music hit a beat and the crew jeered as a body rose from the table. Garrus could feel the blood drain from his face as he realized who it was.

Her hair draped down in dark waves past her shoulders- she was in a black sports bra, and hopefully pants. The dancing was susprising because she moved fluidly with the beat of the music. It was methodical and sensual in nature. So, she could dance- and quite well.

Yet, the whole scene made him angry.

If he could have turned red in the face- he would have.

A shot rang out into the air and the festivities came to a shrieking hault. The whole deck went alert in a matter of seconds. Garrus popped the used clip out of his pistol. Every eye in the room was on him.

"If any of you have a will to live, I suggest you leave."

The growl in his throat wasn't enough to get them moving. He lurched forward threateningly and raised his voice.

"Now!"

With his point finally across- the room bustled as everyone cleared out. The crew pushed and shoved each other into their quarters and down hallways. Garrus stood his ground until the room was secure.

He holstered his gun and marched over to the woman on the table. The area was covered in alcohol spills, metal cups, and empty bottles.

Shepard's cargo pants were soiled with alcohol and the rest of her reaked of it.

She was snorting to herself with her hands on her belly- muttering incoherently.

He sighed at the sight of her drunkenness. He had never expected such unruly behavior from her. He knew she usually sipped a single drink for hours. He just wished he could know exactly what was going on in her head. He wanted to understand.

He couldn't imagine why her shirt was on the floor- many feet away from the table.

She hated exposing her scars.

Evidently, something was bothering her, and her usual coping mechanisms were no longer effective. The problem was that getting her to talk about it would be like trying to convince a Vorcha that going to a speech pathologist might be a good idea.

If he had to wait until she was ready- he would do it, granted it wouldn't take too long.

As he gathered Thalassa up into his arms Dr. Chakwas emerged from the medbay. He turned to face her- unsure of how to handle all of this. He was still trying to maintain his composure.

"What the hell happened?"

Chakwas appeared incredulous. She had been powerless to stop the events. The disappointment and worry was evident in her body language.

"She got pulled into a celebration that the crew was having. I knew she had a hard time connecting with them. So, when they seemed to welcome her how could I have peeled her away? Everything was fine. They were arm wrestling and having a good time for a while- until the alcohol began to affect Shepard. She started dancing a few minutes ago. I tried to put an end to it, but no one would listen. I'm terribly sorry that I couldn't be of more help."

Garrus glanced down at Shepard who was now semi- passed out in his arms.

"This wasn't your fault, Karin. I'm going to get her squared away. I will come see you in a few"

He walked to their quarters and was startled by Shepard's sudden jolting-

"T-tlot. Toilet!"

She warned and Garrus hustled into the bathroom. He set her down near the toilet and helped prop her up- deftly tying her hair up into a messy bun before the barage of bodily fluids.

He eventually sat down behind her, propping himself against the wall and steadying her when she couldn't keep her balance.

She leaned back against him- still half awake. The universe blurred into the background for a time. It was just the two of them in quiet serenity, spare the occasional toilet flush and Shepard's hiccups.

Before long Garrus heard her breaths become ragged, the party was over. Thalassa came crashing down back to reality. Her shoulders tense and unyielding.

"I'm sorry."

Silent tears streamed down her face, red eyes briefly meeting his own. The facade of strength she had established fell away- even if it was only for a moment.

Garrus ran his talons through her hair in an attempt to soothe her.

"What are you sorry for?"

She let out was a sigh and she curled up on her side against him. She never responded to his inquiry, but he didn't press.

An hour had gone by before she was asleep. He left her in bed before visiting the med bay to get hangover reducers from Chakwas.

When he returned to their room- his mind churned, breaking down the situation and trying to find a solution.

Shepard needed friends. She needed people who would be there for her even when he couldn't.

He planned on keeping her around, and they would always be inseparable; however, it was clear to him how devastated she truly was.

She lost her world.

She lost her friends.

She lost her family.

She lost her job.

She lost her physical and mental wellness.

These crises required a delicate knowledge of how to handle her strong personality.


End file.
